Counseling Session Transcription

Suzie: So, yesterday I get home after a long day at work and I check my email….. and there is an email from this guy I hooked up with like….17 years ago….something like that.

• Counselor: Wow.

Suzie: That’s kinda like….. what I was like, I was like Wow! I was like really excited!

• Counselor: Wow. Okay… so you felt excited?

Suzie: I did. I felt really exited and I was like…. I felt sort of guilty about feeling excited because I’m like….. hello I’m married almost 10 Years. But, somebody was obviously paying some kind of attention to me. I have not talked to this guy. I haven’t seen this guy…. this guy is really like Joe random out of the blue…. like nothing from him for 17 Years ago.

• Counselor: Okay.

Suzie: And I’m so flattered. I mean it wasn’t that big of a deal ….the email… whatever but, I’m so flattered that I almost wish that… that random email….. that act would have been from my husband but it wasn’t. And I got off on the fact that it was from this guy.

• Counselor: Okay.

Suzie: It could have been any guy. It could have been any guy.

• Counselor: So it sounds like your feeling overwhelmed with all the different roles you are playing.

Suzie: Definitely. Uh huh…..

• Counselor: And that perhaps you’re feeling, a little like your husband may be a little distant?

Suzie: Yeah, like, I kind of feel neglected a little bit. I mean…. I know that I’m not….it’s crazy cuz , I know I’m not actually neglected. I think it’s really more my issue.

• Counselor: Uh huh…..

Suzie: You know…. He works more than full-time. He works probably like 50 hours a week.

• Counselor: Okay….

Suzie: He takes 3 classes.

• Counselor: Okay….

Suzie: Umm…..he actually does more in the house than I do. I mean he’s, I mean, he’s actually working less so I kind of makes sense in a way. But like I mean he does the laundry, he does the dishes, he irons my clothes in the morning. I mean, by all accounts, most women would think that I have it made. Umm…..and I kind of do. And…. but just the spark like… I still need the spark. Just because it’s been 10 years doesn’t mean I don’t need the spark.

• Counselor: Okay, I’m wondering what that spark is exactly?

Suzie: Like what it means to me, you mean?

• Counselor: What does it mean to you?

Suzie: (Sigh) It’s a really good question I mean….(pause) there is you know…I think with all relationships there is like a newness that happens. You know when you first start and like…. you’re like dating, I mean….. I don’t know, I mean… it’s really hard to explain. So.. going back to this dating thing cuz that’s what keeps coming to my head. Like you court the person, I mean I know that’s an old fashion term and it probably sounds really corny. But you do things like you make yourself attractive to that person. You’re romantic. You’re….. available.. there’s like all these things that you are to make yourself attractive to the other person and umm…. I think that it’s really important. I mean, in marriage to still do that and I know that I’m having trouble doing that right now because of all my commitments. And my husband and I had a long talk about that before all these changes started and what that was going to look like and if it was manageable, but I still think like I am really emotionally available and I…I mean I don’t bring him flowers and stuff cuz he’s never asked for like that being what he needed or whatever. Um… he wants things like sex, which I give him because I guess that’s what he’s driven by. But… I need… I need that….. whatever that…..it’s hard to explain what that spark is but…. I think you kind of maybe get the picture. It’s just that newness, that freshness that alive feeling. Like….

• Counselor: So you need the newness, the freshness, the alive feeling.

Suzie: The surprise, like what’s waiting around the corner. So I guess, and that’s the whole thing that…that’s why I got off on the email. You know, I mean it really is like out of the clear random blue sky, whatever, this guy that I had a thing for 17 years ago…. is still thinking about me like that whole…that whole concept is kind of … blows my mind.

• Counselor: Earlier you were saying something about you’re husband having a lot on his plate as well.

Suzie: Uh huh….

• Counselor: And that although he does do all those things outside of the home he also takes care of the home.

Suzie: Uh huh….

• Counselor: As well as school and work

Suzie: He does a lot. Yeah.

• Counselor: He does a lot.

Suzie: A lot.

• Counselor: Okay. I’m wondering how that makes you feel.

Suzie: Um…I mean it obviously makes me feel happy and relieved, proud. Umm…lucky, you know. But the thing is like…I mean I tell him this. Umm…I’m really good about that. I’m very communicative, even when I don’t want to be even when I feel like crap. Like…..I thank him and don’t get me wrong, I handle other responsibilities in our household. Like, his mom would never have a birthday card if I didn’t send it, and shop for it, and pick it out, and the whole bit. Like…his sisters.. like all of that stuff. None of that stuff would get done. The bills would never be paid. The checkbook would never be balanced. I mean…. we each have our thing that we are good at and we play to our strengths.

• Counselor: Okay.

Suzie: Um….And my husband, I mean…. he’s a really good guy. I just feel like I need a little more. I do think it’s within me. I think that I feel so…tired and run down and like drained that I’m probably looking outside of myself for support and motivation and maybe that’s the wrong idea. I don’t know.

• Counselor: Okay. So you’re saying you’re looking for someone on the outside to supply you with all of that energy that you can’t perhaps find within yourself?

Suzie: Yeah. I think it is like that. Like, I need a lot of umm…I do need a lot of validation. Like, I tend to be very hard on myself so I never know if like… I’m good enough at work, if I’m good enough at my internship, if I’m a good enough wife, if I’m a good enough daughter. I mean, I think, we’ll need a lot more sessions to cover all that. I mean, I think there is a reason for that. I think it comes from my past. Umm…

• Counselor: I’m wondering if your husband knows you need a lot of validation.

 Counseling Session Critique

           Overall I think I could have done better although the positive is that this client was willing to talk. However, I was not quite sold on giving up so much control. I believe this may go with the notion that the client not the counselor should be in the driver seat. Nonetheless, it made me feel useless. Suzie said I helped her notice some things. I just could not see how that was possible when I felt like the session was mostly her talking. I am also having trouble with utilizing different techniques. It seems like I was stuck on a lot of reflecting and prompting mostly because I just did not know where else to go. I am not sure if that was because the presenting issue was beyond any of my experience or I just felt anxious. Perhaps it was both.

I did feel, however, that I was attending physically and psychologically although it was quite difficult for me to clinically listen. I was alert to everything that Suzie was saying and noticed some of her verbal communication but, I really did not notice the things she was not saying. Additionally, I did not notice many themes or patterns during the session other that she felt neglected both by her husband and mother.

I think next time I will focus less on technique and perhaps just let the session flow. I thought I sounded a bit too rehearsed and possible that could have given the client the impression that I was not credible. I will also clear up the room I will be having session in so that there is less stimulation and this may allow for more openness. In addition, if I would have removed the extra chairs in the room, Suzie would not have gotten the urge to put her feet up in a chair which I thought created a boundary between us.

Although most of this critique seemed negative, I believe it was a great learning experience for me to realize that I need to shift the focus off of me and more on the client. It made me wonder a little about my every day interactions with people. This was an awesome way to be able to see outside of myself.