This is a continuation of a post which describes an interview which purpose was to identify how cultural differences may affect the therapeutic relationship between two people who are different in various ways but particularly in ethnicity/race, religion, and gender.

Roles of Husband/Wife, Child-rearing, and Overall family

When I asked Mike if he was congruent with his cultural group he said, “Absolutely.” He thought American views on family roles are changing but only in theory. He said he feels men are still expected to be the breadwinners and the wife is expected to stay home and take care of the children. He does not consider himself as being a mainstream American though. As for what constitutes a family in his cultural group, he said family consists of a father, a mother, brothers, sisters, grandparents, and very close friends. He was not sure if close friends were considered family to most Americans but he does.

In regards to grandparents he says they are well respected and are there to share their wisdom with the rest of the family. They are perceived as a parent figure and although true in his family, his elderly grandmother is considered “wacky.”

I believe the norm for Americans is to place their elderly parents in nursing homes or assisted living facilities. At least this is the belief I was raised with. It is interesting how Mike shared his thoughts about his grandmother being, “wacky.” In my culture, we normally take care of our parents when they are elderly. None of my grandparents were ever placed in facilities. Someone in the family always took care of them. Mike shared that one of his grandmothers was placed in a nursing home. Interestingly, the wacky grandmother is still high functioning and lives with her husband. The one who lived in a nursing home passed away. His parents are also high functioning and remain an active part in the family. It sounds like Mike was okay with the whole nursing home thing. Personally do not believe in placing my elderly parents or grandparent in a nursing home when the time comes.

In establishing the potential therapeutic relationship, I find it to be fairly simple to physically attend but difficult to attend mentally. I was constantly redirected myself to stay focused. Perhaps in this situation a client centered approach would be most helpful for both the client and counselor. My thought about this approach is to let the client figure it out. I began to discover I did not agree with a lot Mike’s belief systems.

In regards to child-rearing practices Mike said “The parents should be in control.” He does not strike me as this guy who likes to be in control. Based on his interactions with his wife it seemed like he was pretty submissive. I realized that a lot of his answers were not congruent with his behaviors. I was not sure if he was giving me answers that he felt were expected as the “man” and “husband” of the house or if there was some level of projection going on. He then added his children should serve the Lord. In putting his religion into perspective, I realized that based on my research and understanding of conservative Christianity, they follow the bible in its most factual form. According to Bartkowski and Ellison (1995) the child rearing beliefs of many conservative Protestants begin with their commitment to a “literal” interpretation of the Bible. Since the Word of God is the biblical authority then obedience to it permeates all areas of their lives, including child-rearing. I believe that for Mike being in control involves making sure his children, since human nature is fundamentally sinful (Bartkowski, 1995) learn how to follow the Word of God and these practice diverge sharply form those recommended by contemporary mainstream experts.

Additionally, to confirm this Mike shared his thoughts about mainstream America. He said that he, as an idealist, is very mainstreamed. When I asked him to tell me more about his idealism he said he believes in the way the Declaration of Independence was written and how things were originally. He said, in the old days people sacrificed for their families and they were united. Today, everyone is concerned about themselves and what material things can be acquired. I partly agree with that but as a single Latina with no children, I find myself working two to three jobs to pay living expenses and that is not including the extra perks. I often wonder how I would find time to raise children if the salaries are not keeping up with inflation. Things are different than they were in the old days but job security and wages have changed as well.

According to Van Leeuwen (1998) Even middle-class couples often have to cobble together four jobs with few or no fringe benefits in order to make ends meet. The authors point out that this all-too-common “wage and time squeeze” makes the establishment of stable and nurturing families a Herculean task (Van Leeuwen, 1998).

As for gender roles in the family, Mike said the wife is expected to take care of the house even if she is working and he thinks that women feel as if is their duty to maintain the house as well. He describes this as, “A woman feels like a failure if the house is not well kept.” Based on his delivery, I assumed he believed this as well. As I put my feminist views to the side, I wondered how his wife felt about this. She did look pretty busy doing dishes and attending to the baby all at the same time.

The Latina Therapist and the White Client

The question asked in regards to views on my ethnic background was “How do you think our therapeutic relationship would be affected based on my ethnicity?” The answer was not surprising. Mike said it would not make a difference that I am Latina. However, when I asked him if our communication patterns differed, he declared that the “speech patterns” were dissimilar. As he proceeded to explain that comment he compared it to someone who is from Brooklyn, New York. He said their N.Y. accent has nothing to do with the race or ethnic background. It is just where people were born. He said “Hispanics” have a “sing-songy” type of speech. Although he was very careful in describing this in order not to offend me, I still internalized it. What did he mean by that? Was he saying that I spoke that way too? With all said, he assured me it would not interfere with our therapeutic relationship.

According to The Therapist of Color and the White Patient Dyad (Comas-Diaz, 1995) a therapeutic dyad of a therapist of color and a White client may foster and intensify the client’s projective identification. By virtue of their racial visibility, therapists of color may represent the opposite of the blank screen often becoming a colored screen (Comas-Diaz, 1995). I wondered if there was a real meaning behind that statement or if there was some internal projection or transference reaction from my part. I left that topic alone but reflected on it after the interview. I did not have any answers but one thing that continuously is reinforced is that I have to work on staying mentally attentive. Additionally, it helps me attain a better perspective of people belonging to Mike’s cultural group.

Conclusion

            Did I bring any biases to the table before and during the interview? I believe I did. I felt somewhat anxious that I would be interviewing a White male. My perceptions of White males are these powerful intelligent corporate-like beings. I wondered if I would get treated less than someone in a position of power since I felt I would be the authority figure. I later realized that Mike did belong to a privileged group but he was also oppressed in some ways. He is Christian and is open about his religious beliefs. This can confirm some prejudices about the obsessions with his faith. Moreover, Mike and his wife did not live in an all white suburban area. They just recently purchased their first home and have neighbors who are mostly Black or Hispanic. His wife was actually telling me how she feels her neighbors are not accepting of them. She feels they see them as the White rich family who can afford to have a stay-at-home mom.

Within their neighborhood, Mike and his wife feel oppressed. They do not fit in because of the color of their skin and are viewed as having a higher socioeconomic status. His wife seemed bothered by not being accepted but her reason was because she says she “Hates rich White people” and does not want to be viewed as such.

A Christian made that strong comment. I suppose she was projecting. Perhaps all she ever wanted was to be rich because many people view White Americans as wealthy, especially the oppressed ethnic groups. It is in my community. Most White people are seen as people with good jobs who are well off financially. I supposed there was some level of power that Mike and his wife may have experienced in their neighborhood. If they were considered wealthy by their neighbors, then it might just become a self-fulfilling prophecy and Mike’s wife may perhaps begin to act like the wealthy stay-at-home mom. However, that may be my hunch.

When I asked Mike what he aspires to be, he responded, “I aspire to stand in front of the Lord and hear him say that as his son, I have run a good race.” For a White man in America, I expected him to say something in like being promoted and buying a bigger house. My initial impression of him was not congruent with what I discovered. Mike was just a Christian man who wants to serve God and wishes everyone else did the same. As a counselor in training, I believe I would have to try extra hard to keep my biases under control when treating a person who is this religiously immersed. Additionally, as for the first impression of this family doing well financially, I discovered this was far from the truth. Toward the end of the interview Mike confessed he really needs his wife’s income.

References

Barhkowski, J. P., & Ellison, C. G. (1995) Divergent models of childrearing in popular manuals: conservative Protestants vs. the mainstream experts. Sociology of Religion, 56, p. 21

Comas-Diaz, L., & Jacobsen, F.M. (1995). The Therapist of Color and the White Patient Dyad:

Contradictions and Recognitions. Cultural Diversity and Mental Health, 1, 93-106.

Robinson, B. A. (1997, October 18). Comparing the beliefs of roman catholics and conservative

protestants. Religious Tolerance. Retrieved November 5, 2005, from http://www.religioustolerance.org .

Van Leeuwen, M. S. (1998, July 29). Parenting and politics: giving new shape to ‘family values.’

[ New book ‘the war against parents’ discussed – cover story]. Christian Century.