In exploring options for a family interview, I realized a family is what it is and that it does not follow a specific format. It wasn’t until I experienced the Introduction to Marriage, Couples and Family Counseling that I realized this idea. The family I interviewed is nuclear based and consists of a mother and a son who live in the same house. Although I thought this may pose some challenges as the interviewer, considering that perhaps most people were interviewing couples, when the opportunity presented itself to interview this particular family, it became clear that indeed this was the family that I would interview. Perhaps I even discovered more about this type of family than I was expecting since it is different than the families I have been exposed to, including my own. Of interest to me was the living arrangement of this family whose two only sons (ages 25 and 31), were both unmarried and living at home with the single mother.

Wanda (pseudonyms used to conserve identity) is the mother and is a single 46 year old of Puerto Rican decent. Wanda attended grammar and high school in the United States and therefore considers her primary language to be English. In exploring background information, Wanda shared with me that she became pregnant with her first son at the age of 15 and was 21 when she gave birth to her second son. The relationship with her sons’ father fizzled and so at the age of 23, she moved back in with her parents who assisted her with child rearing. In terms of educational background, Wanda did receive her GED and is currently working full-time 2nd shift as an assembly worker. She’s lived in Paterson, NJ for most of her life.

Angel is Wanda’s youngest son. He is 25 years old and was born in Paterson, New Jersey. Angel graduated high school and is currently a part-time student at Bergen County Community College. He holds a full-time position, 1^st shift, at an orthopedic parts company. He has never been married and has no children.

This family has lived together all their lives. Included in the living quarters are Wanda, Angel, his brother, and intermittently, both maternal grandparents. The grandparents were currently in Puerto Rico for the summer. The older brother was scheduled for this interview but did not show. His mother shared that he is usually not home is currently not employed. He has two children ages 6 and 2 that live with their biological mothers (with different mothers). The family’s socioeconomic status is middle class and they consider themselves to be Roman Catholics.

In interviewing this family I observed the dynamics of the mother-son relationship in relation to a series of questions asked during the interview. The following describes the nature and specific questions asked surrounding the topic of family structure which include goals and roles; how challenges are handled within the family structure; and overall strengths of the family. The following format is divided into subheadings that describe the nature of the questions followed by the list of specific questions asked during the interview and a synopsis of observations based on family dynamics.

Family structure

• What’s a typical day in the house like?
• Are there any routines? Chores?
• Have you always lived together?
• When asked, “who do you live with” what is a typical answer?
• What do you consider your family structure to be?
• What is your definition of family?
• Are there any rules in the family?
• Do you follow any family traditions?

In relaying the questions about family structure, I thought about the different meanings people might attach to that term. In this particular case, although it seemed obvious to me that this family was nuclear based, I was interested in knowing how they would define their family and what family is in general. Interestingly, neither was able to give a straight definition of what a family meant to them and both went on the make supporting statements about how they think their family is good just the way it is. No negative comments were made in regard to the absent father, whom I assume was absent in every sense of the way due the limited reference made of him.

One of the things I did notice was the hierarchical speech pattern of mother and child. It was apparent that the mother’s role was clearly defined verbally as she made several statements reassuring she was the one and only parent and that that was the priority in the house. Additionally, during 50 % of the interview, the mother was reaching out to the son while holding and kissing his hand. On several occasions, the son referred to his mom as “his baby.” That term seemed to resonate positively with her as she smiled and hugged him every time he made a statement that resembled that one.

In contrast to the flow however, there also seemed to be a maternal or perhaps protective nature during certain questions. It was almost as if she felt the need to screen and ascertain that the things that he was saying were allowed to be talked about in this interview. For example, when discussing living arrangements and interactions with people who live in the same household, including the older brother who did not make this interview, Angel expressed discontent with his relationship with his older brother. In fact, on several occasions, when discussion about his big brother was brought up, I noticed an affect change on his part but not long enough before his mother would interject and make an irrelevant comment. Angel took on the lead and would terminate discussions that were interrupted by his mother.

Family Roles

• What would you say your role is in the family (individually)?
• Describe your parent/son relationship?
• How different or similar is your parenting from your parents style of parenting (to mother)?
• Do you feel like your mom still disciplines you (to son)?
• Do you feel disciplining is still important although your son is 25 years old.
• Do you think parental practices are different here in the US compared to Puerto Rico?

In thinking about family roles and what one may think is supposed to be an individual’s role within a family, based on the interactions of this family, it seemed as if the mother and son relationship resembled more of a friendship at different points during this interview. However, the mother continued to reassure verbally that she was the mother. One of the things that were interesting was that the son was the person who first initiated the response to the question about the description of the parent/son relationship. He described a relationship as “open” and even expressed that “she stays out of my way.” Although it was apparent that the mother felt uncomfortable by these comments as she would continuously interrupt and even became restless (i.e. getting up and pacing, lighting up a cigarette) Angel always appeared to follow her cues, and was extremely respectful while making no attempts to continue when his mother would interrupt or answer for him. At times, it even seemed as if their roles were rehearsed.

In regards to her being a single parent, the mother made comments surrounding the issue of dual role stating, “I am the man and the women.” Of course, I did not explore the issue further since this is not counseling nor did I want to make it seem at such. Interactions during discussions of role parenting vs. son were amicable but interviewees were more pensive and careful during such discussions.

Family Goals

• What are your individual goals?
• What are some goals for your family?
• What do you think your purpose is in life?
• What do you think your purpose is in this family?

The questions surrounding the family goals were quite different for both of them. The mother seemed to be focused primarily on family finances as she consistently made comments about needing more money. Angel is the main support of the house. In other words she is dependent on him financially and even expressed desire to live with him for “a long time to come.” This was one of the few times that Angel interrupted his mother and it sounded as if he did not agree that money was an issue. In fact, his responses were more affect and success based. In others words, whereas she expressed a goal for her was to have more money, he shared he just wanted to be happy and be a leader.

Interactions during the discussion about goals were quite different from previous. This was one of the few times when there was limited eye contact and they were not physically attached. It’s almost as if each person, particularly Angel, was allowed to respond freely. Interruptions by the mother were to a minimum during these questions. This time roles were seemed somewhat reversed and Angel was allowed to lead. Overall, each person expressed his/her own goals and thoughts with almost not verbal feedback from the other party.

Dealing with Challenges

• What is something challenging about your living situation?
• What is challenging about your relationship?
• Has there been a major challenge in your family and how did you handle that challenge?
• How do you handle differences in general?
• Has management of those differences changed throughout years?

Discussion surrounding challenges were lead mostly by the mother. During questions focused on family interactions or differences, the mother would hold her son’s hand and verbally express that everybody just got along. Angel, although hesitant every time his brothers name came up would eventually make similar statements as his mother justified reasons for why Angel chooses to get along with everyone. At times the mother would shift the focus on herself making comments about how the family interactions for the day were based on whether or not she “woke up on the right side of the bed.” Affect did not seem congruent between the two of them. However, both still seemed amicable toward each other and maintained the cohesion during responses.

Family Strengths

• How important is it for your family to get along?
• Describe some things the family does together?
• How often do you travel together?
• How do you experience traveling together?
• What would you think if you had to go on every single trip together from this point on?

This seemed to be the easiest questions for both of them. Every response and body language was almost symmetrical between the mother and son. It appeared as if they do enjoy each others company. They even shared that fact that they have gone on multiple vacations together. Angel made a statement about his mother going “clubbing” with him since she is “young at heart.” At this time, both were drinking a beer together and smoking a cigarette as well as sharing cheers based on certain responses given by each.

Family dynamics and Concluding Thoughts

• Do you think if your brother/son were here, your responses would be affected?
• How similar or different is the way you interact with people in your family to the way you interact with people outside of your family?
• On a scale from 1 to 10 with 10 being the best, how well do you get along with each other?
• How do you deal with change in your family?

In synthesizes what I witnessed during this interview, there were some obvious behavioral elements that seem to have guided the interview. Although the overall dynamics between the two of them seemed positive, I also think that there was an element of facade. Perhaps this was because I’m a stranger or skeletons are not supposed to be let lose. Whatever the case, the family seemed united and on multiple levels it appears to be working for them. Although I think Angel may also experience some pressures as the good son who supports his mother and brother, he seems to enjoy that role as well.

The nurturing element by the mother was extremely obvious. Depending on people’s comfort level, the excessive hugging and kissing was something that stood out for me as I observed the dynamics. Angel appeared to be comfortable with it, which suggests that maybe this is how it is normally. Questions that were more weakness based seemed to have been avoided by the mother and I think multiple attempts were made by her to keep her son from expressing his strained relationship with his brother. Also, the parenting style seems to be incongruent with what the son and mother displayed and said. Although I think Angel has extreme respect for his mother. Perhaps boundaries are not as defined as she reassured her role on several occasions.

Overall, regular interactions between the two of them seem to be fun filled as they were both joking frequently and laughing with each other. This is one of the elements that resonated with me since my experience in my childhood was clearly defined with parent/child boundaries, which meant fun time was mostly with friends.